Tonight, I bowled at 600 series.

For you laypersons who haven’t loaded another browser page yet, bowling a series consists of three games. A 600 series is where a bowler’s total pinfall (their score) is at least 600. At approximately 6:45pm Eastern Standard Time, I bowled three games with a total pinfall of 616. For three games and two and a half beers I rolled 222, 179, and 215 respectively. It was the first time that I’ve ever accomplished that feat. And since ESPN doesn’t troll crummy bowling alleys looking for highlight fodder, I thought I’d share my glory on the interweb.

The first game was for the couple two lanes down. Two aspiring hipster bowlers with their own bowling balls and vintage bowling bags. She had chunky bangs and black lace showing underneath her tattered white tee. He had skinny jeans and thick black frame glasses. They were the perfect picture of Williamsburg bowling romance. I think there was some envy in that game.

The second game I made the fewest mistakes and was the most consistent. That game was for me. And of course it would have to be the lowest scoring game. Sigh…

The last game was for the couple who started bowling directly next to me. A schlubby sort of average Joe (North Face fleece, clean shaven, hair cropped), and his phenomenally attractive girlfriend. I cannot even begin to tell you how my mind raced at all the possible explanations of how they could have been together, although the GIANT rock on her finger helped. She posed, and he took pictures of her while she bowled. There was some envy in that game. Some lust too.

As for me? No friends, no teammates, no one around to care about what I was doing.

And yeah, maybe I was trying to roll a few strikes for the blond betty with her Gideon Yago boyfriend, or the brunette with an ass that would have had room for all of my bowling trophies to sit on it. Maybe I did it for the girl who wasn’t bowling with me. Maybe I was hoping that someone was seeing what I was doing. But no one did. And that’s OK. You gotta get over yourself. Envy is corrosive and wasteful. Lust is fun but fleeting. Pride is a blinding veil. Humility is its own reward…

Do you see how easily I turn bowling into a religion? It kind of weirds ME out sometimes.